March 2011
24 posts
1 tag
“I like to start my day with unrealistic expectations!”
1 tag
Listen
A Memory.
It was a warm summer night. I don’t remember where we were going; it didn’t matter where we were going. I think we were driving just to feel the air through the open windows, an excuse to be packed in tightly and enjoy the pure spontaneity of being young and carefree with the greatest friends we’d ever had. We were all wearing the smiles left from a round of laughter that had just faded, when...
1 tag
“Well…
You have a great blog,
and great boobs.
…So at least you have that goin’ for ya.”
-A friend trying to cheer me up on a bad day.
2 tags
“I’ve decided to retire. Skip all this job-hunting, ‘find a career’ nonsense....”
– *They are called ‘active’ senior communities for a reason; those folks know how to party.
1 tag
I will officially be a college graduate in one...
Because of this, I have begun training to enter the “real world.” (The “I’m a respectable adult” real world, not the “we’re seven strangers picked to live in a house” real world…) This is a rigorous and intensive program, comparable to the 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous- (Which ironically, is one of the steps for exiting college.) Other preparations include:
1) Not wearing clothes off...
Anonymous asked: So you're not actually named Agnes? Made me disappointed :(
2 tags
“I sure am a go-getter today.
I laid in bed for 3 hours before actually...”
2 tags
“When in doubt, make ridiculous faces at your Mac…
*Other girls do the...”
–
2 tags
“Oh Hey there 2am… So great to see you again.”
–
2 tags
“What is with the ridiculous amount of time it takes for bread to turn into...”
Napkin Pants.
Let me set the scene for you….
It was a Friday night out in the city. I was wearing black pants. Tight black pants. I was having a good time, feeling good and looking good. *Or so I thought… It was the usual kind of night: Mingle. Chat. Drink. Tell some loud jokes. Pee break. It was then that I discovered all was NOT okay with my choice of apparel for the evening…
To be exact, the problem...
I’m having a bad day.
I need a cupcake.
Or a Beer.
Beer Cupcake?
*The confusion of simultaneously being young and old enough.
2 tags
asimplecraft asked: I'm a bit obsessed with you. It's a problem.
(....yes I realize this isn't a question)
(....yes I realize this isn't a question)
1 tag
“I once laid on the ground and mimicked a dying fly for a solid 5 minutes…
...”
2 tags
2 tags
“ALRIGHT, what do i gotta do to get my hour back?”
22 going on 80.
I get home from a long day of working hard and nothing sounds better than a nice cold beer.
The Plan: I might get a little crazy tonight. Have some drinks, put on a sexy outfit, and hit the town with my girls.
Reality: One beer in, and that bottle might as well have been filled with warm milk and served with a plush blanket… at 8pm I tenderly awake from a nap I wasn’t aware I was having, with a...
““You attract lovers like moths to a bug zapper.”
...”
grandparents.
“we really enjoy reading your glob.”
1 tag
“I’ve decided to become a trolley driver.
It would be like a daily gift of...”
“I pressed snooze twelve times. Then I poked myself in the eyeball with a mascara...”
